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Thom Dunn is a Boston-based writer, musician, and utterly terrible dancer. He is the singer/guitarist for the indie rock/power-pop the Roland High Life, as well as a staff writer for the New York Times’ Wirecutter and a regular contributor at BoingBoing.net. Thom enjoys Oxford commas, metaphysics, and romantic clichés (especially when they involve whiskey), and he firmly believes that Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" is the single greatest atrocity committed against mankind. He is a graduate of Clarion Writer's Workshop at UCSD ('13) & Emerson College ('08).

#1stWorldProblems: The Novel

Apparently Nicole Richie is a New York Times Bestselling Novelist. I'm sorry, I'm not sure if you heard me correctly. Nicole Richie is a New York Times Bestselling Novelist.

Upon discovering this fact, I took upon myself to read the debut novel responsible for awarding her such a distinction.

While it would be harsh and unfair to say that I regret this decision, I can confidently say that it was hardly a good decision. Next time such a thought crosses my scattered and impulsive mind, I implore you to stop me and question my poor decision-making skills.

In the meantime, I hope you enjoy my objective critical review of the novel over on DailyGenoshan.com.

Review: "The Truth About Diamonds," by Nicole Richie

The Huntington's 30th Anniversary Season

The Huntington Theatre Company, Boston's leading professional theatre company since 1982, is launching into their 30th Anniversary Season this year. Tickets went on sale yesterday for a season that includes Mary Zimmerman's acclaimed production of Candide, the completion of August Wilson's 20th Century Cycle with Ma Rainey's Black Bottom (ironically, his first hit play, and the last that the company is producing), the hit New York comedy God of Carnage (the film of which, directed by Roman Polanski, comes out in November), and Noël Coward's Private Lives, along with three world premieres. I've spent the last few weeks re-designing the Huntington's website to fit with the new 30th Anniversary branding image, and I have to say, I'm pretty happy with the results. Check it out — and while you're at it, maybe treat yourself to one of our shows along the way.

Oh, also? The entire season is going to be presented in SHOCKING REAL-D 3D! [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P9rjonTUwW0]

The Internet: Giving Dumb People a Voice

I've been pretty busy writing and re-writing the script for my play True Believers, but we finally start rehearsals today, so I'm pretty excited. Despite the gazillion pages I've written/re-written in the past week, I knew I still had a post due for Five By Five Hundred. I ended up scouring the YouTube comments on my Glenn Beck/J. Jonah Jameson mash-up video and found one particularly vocal YouTube commenter, whose breathtaking (really, the only word for it) diatribe I mined to create the "Found Poem" that makes up this week's entry. It does go a little past the 500 word mark — but it was all too priceless to pass up.

Oh, and also, please note: I did no copyediting of any kind. I simply add line breaks for emphasis. The text appears entirely [sic].

I'd like to take a moment to thank the Internet for providing ignorance with a voice, and providing the rest of us with a constant stream of entertainment and funny pictures of animals.

"Race and the Internet, According to Hogwild19100" on FiveByFiveHundred.com

Glenn Beck is J. Jonah Jameson

Did you hear? Spider-Man's black! Well, technically, he's half-Hispanic, half-African-American. He is not, despite Glenn Beck's mad raving, also gay. Nor is it Michelle Obama's fault. But here's some hilarious footage of J. Jonah Jameson that I dubbed with Glenn Beck's ridiculous rant about a (Oh Em Gee!) black Spider-Man:

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkLNjDeaYPA&w=425&h=349]

Update: AOL's ComicsAlliance.com has also picked up the video as part of an article on the same topic.

Comic book writer Brian Michael Bendis, who is not only responsible for the creation of the new Spider-Man but is also the one who joked about the idea of the mash-up video in the first place (I can't take full credit!), has also been tweeting it pretty heavily.

Things We Don't Talk About

Just a short post for today, as I've just started on the workshop for my new play True Believers. But I was able to find a little bit of time to knock out a quick poem for Five By Five Hundred titled "Things We Don't Talk About." It's about things. That we don't talk about. Like that.

"Things We Don't Talk About" on FiveByFiveHundred.com

90s Nostalgia in the Boston Herald

Those of you who've met me are likely aware of my love (obsession) with The Adventures of Pete & Pete. I also may or may not have written a fantastic love song about Ellen Hickle that I will later post (if I can find out) and, as a result, may or may not have almost gone on a date with the actress that portrayed her. But I digress.

I was recently interview by the Boston Herald for an article about 90s TV show nostalgia (specifically, the new "90s Are All That" latenight block on the TeenNick network). But mostly I just riff on my love for Pete & Pete. I mean, seriously — what other childrens' show could get away with naming a math teacher "Ms. Cooter Fingerwood"?! How did that get past the censors in the 90s?

"Teen network blasts back to the '90s" in the Boston Herald

Pets That Go Poop

Just over a year ago, one of my chinchillas passed away. Pedey (short for "Dustbath Pedroia") was always the stubborn one of the two — the bully older sister — who thought herself some total badass, when in fact she was, well, a chinchilla. As far as we can tell, the cause of death was heatstroke — she was a little overweight from stealing her sister's food every day, and was too stubborn to sit up on a hot day and get a drink of water. But the saddest part about it (because to be honest, she was a pretty mean pet) was her sister who survived her. Yubnub was always the sweet one, and say what you will about animals and emotion and memory, but for a good month following the loss of sister, Yubnub was visibly depressed. I'd let her out of the cage to run around the house, and she would just sit there, not caring. She was always a little skittish when she was picked up by a human, but for that month, she had no reaction at all — and not in a good way. She hardly ate. She didn't even get excited when she heard the crinkling of the raisin bag (a sound which otherwise inspires a Pavlovian response within her).

After about a month of caring for her (making sure she didn't die from depression!) and letting her know confidently that I am part of her "herd" (which is what they say to do with lonely 'chillas), Yubnub seemed fine. In the intervening year, she's been completely normal. Maybe a little lonely sometimes without another playmate, but, well, Pedey was never very playful anyway, and usually just picked on her. While I imagine that the trauma of losing a loved one has essentially disappeared from her small chinchilla brain, I suspect that somewhere inside she still senses something missing. It might not be a conscious realization or memory, but there's something in her muscles — she can tell that there used to be someone or something different here, and that it's missing, but she might not know what that something is.

This week on FiveByFiveHundred.com, after spending a great deal of time with Yubnub over the weekend (there was a heatwave here in Boston, and we hid out together in the only room with air conditioning), I decided to pay homage to the departed Dustbath Pedroia. While comparing her memories to, well, poop might seem a bit insensitive, it's really not — chinchillas (fun fact!) lack sphincter muscles, and thus have no control over their own bowel movements, which means that Yubnub just keeps dropping little tiny poops on the ground behind her without any regard for it. Chinchillas also poop out 90% of what they consume so...it's a lot of poop for a tiny animal (and, admittedly, the biggest drawback to owning one). The ease with which she poops seemed like a fitting metaphor for the way her memory works, so I went with it.

"Shit For Brains" on FiveByFiveHundred.com

Watermelon Hard Cider?

Just took of care of the first (pre-watermelon) steps of my new homemade hard cider (which I'm starting now in anticipation of the fall). Once the wort-apple juice combination completes its first fermentation, I'm going rack the brew and let it sit on top of several pounds of sliced watermelon to soak up some additional (unfermented) flavor. We'll see it goes. In the meantime, take a look at the full recipe over in the homebrew section.

Beyonce's Hardcore Breakdown

Here's another look at one of our new Alejandro and the Fame demos — "Telephone" by Lady Gaga (featuring Beyoncé). It's still a little rough, but you get the idea. And I mean, c'mon — Beyoncé's breakdown has never been this hardcore.

[soundcloud url="http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/19498710"]

Alejandro and the Fame: Boston's premiere all-male Lady Gaga cover band. Putting the fucking metal into Lady Gaga since 2011.

San Diego Comic-Con 2011

I regret to inform you, dear readers, that I will NOT be attending San Diego Comic-Con this year. SO STOP ASKING ME IF I'M GOING. It just makes me more upset. I will not have any stories about armwrestling Joss Whedon, or hanging out with Maxim models on the rooftop of the Omni, or nearly getting my ass kicked by James Robinson, etc. And what else do you do when you're sad about something? Write a poem about it, obviously.

Enjoy "Villanelle for San Diego Comic-Con Regrets" on FiveByFiveHundred.com

True Believers Facebook Contest

As mentioned before, my new play, True Believers, will be receiving a workshop production as part of the Berkshire Fringe Festival. I'll spend two intensive weeks in the Berkshires, writing and re-writing, before the public workshop on August 13. Here's the elevator pitch for the play to get you interested:

The heartfelt lives of starcrossed lovers, psychotic fanboys, aspiring comic book writers, cybernetically enhanced humans, and girls who dress like Princess Leia all intertwine over a whirlwind Comic-Con weekend.

(Also, part of the play is set in WORLD OF WARCRAFT. Like, the actual scenes play out within the world of WORLD OF WARCRAFT, when they're not otherwise taking place on the convention floor. Totally cool, right? I'm brilliant)

To get everyone excited about the smörgåsbord of events going on at the Berkshire Fringe Festival (as if True Believers somehow weren't exciting enough on its own), they're holding a Facebook contest to get you extra pumped. One lucky winner will walk away with a $100 cash prize, a season pass to the Berkshire Fringe Festival, and — AND — a snazzy t-shirt. (because we can all use more free snazzy t-shirts, amirite?)

You can read the detailed contest instructions over at the Berkshire Fringe website. Win that money, use it to buy me a beer, and come check out True Believers on August 13!

Finally! The Catcher in the Rye Comes to the Big Screen!

Okay but not really. This week on Five By Five Hundred, I found myself inspired by a comment made in the play Matt & Ben, and decided to write up my own idea of what The Catcher in the Rye would be like if a fully Hollywood-ized Summer blockbuster movie adaptation were ever successfully made. Let's just say it's got all of the jetskis, missile launchers, and knife fights on moving trains that JD Salinger always wanted (I mean, obviously. It's all the subtext. Didn't you learn anything in Mrs. Frumento's sophomore year high school English class? No? You were busy checking her out? Yeah, me too)

"Movie Pitch: CATCHERS IN THE RYE" on FiveByFiveHundred.com

Brand New Lady Gaga Demos!

....Or, more accurately, brand new Alejandro and the Fame demos of Lady Gaga songs, because that's what we do — glam rock Lady Gaga covers with more Mohawks, more glitter, and more balls. Here's a preliminary mix of "Paparazzi" that was done on my laptop over the weekend. It's still not the final version, and we've got a few more tunes to come for your listening pleasure, but I hope you enjoy it anyway! [soundcloud url="http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/18819764"]

MATT DAMON. Also Ben Affleck. With Breasts!

Would you believe that the script for Good Will Hunting literally fell from the sky (well, the ceiling) and landed right in the laps of two young men in Somerville, Massachusetts? Would you believe that, prior to said script falling from said ceiling, said young men were working (as all young men have done) to adapt The Catcher in the Rye into a screenplay?

Would you believe that Ben Affleck and Matt Damon are totally chicks?

Yeah, me too. Which means you should probably check out Matt & Ben, the hilarious genderswapped "true" story behind the breakout success of those two Cambridge lads and the script that made them both into stars. Written by Mindy Kaling (like, from The office) and Brenda Withers and directed by my superawesomelytalented girlfriend, Ms M. Bevin O'Gara, this fantastic bromantic comedy opens today and runs through the end of the month at the Central Square Theater in, well, Central Square — right where it all started, in Cambridge, Massachusetts.

But seriously, go see this show, because even I weren't biased (which, I mean, I'm not), I would still tell you to see it, because it is that entertaining. Also I'm pretty sure the set dressing was modeled after my bedroom, even though my girlfriend totally denies it.

So check it out! Because, you know. Matt Damon.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PajyQrpu26I&w=425&h=349]

How To Live Safely In A Science Fictional Universe

Read this book. I am not even kidding. The latest novel from Charles Yu, How to Live Safely in a Science Fictional Universe is a brilliantly tongue-in-cheek examination of memories and father-son relationships, through the veil of cheeky sci-fi and wacky time travel concepts. Charles Yu (the character, not the author) is a time travel mechanic with a Masters Degree in Applied Science Fiction. While on a quest to reconnect with his estranged father, Charles Yu (the character) accidentally shoots Future Charles Yu (the future character) in the stomach, but not before Future Charles Yu hands him a copy of a book called How to Live Safely In a Science Fictional Universe, which was/is/will be written by Charles Yu (the character. And the author? I don't know).

Charles Yu (the character) also has a dog named Ed that was retroactively erased from continuity and so technically doesn't exist due to a paradoxical causality but, like any good dog, still loves his owner regardless of his own lack of logical existence.

You can read my full review of How to Live Safely in a Science Fictional Universe over at DailyGenoshan.com, but what really matters is that it's one of the best books I've read in the last year, so you should probably pick it up.

Broetry: Poetry, for Dudes!

Congratulations to my good friend (and fellow FiveByFiveHundred co-founder and Daily Genoshan founder) Brian McGackin, whose first book, Broetry, is available today from the lovely folks at Quirk Books! Broetry is one of the those things that, when Brian first told me about the idea, I kind of wanted to punch him in the teeth, because of how stupidly brilliant and simple it is. It is quite literally poetry, but written for, well, dudes. There's no waxing philosophical about flowers in the spring, but there is plenty of Mama Celeste Frozen Pizzas, comic books, X-Box 360, and HaiKougars to go around. I've been close to this project from its earliest moments, and can honestly say that it is every bit as fantastic as it sounds, and I encourage everyone to pick up a copy (because I guarantee you will find something in it that you enjoy). Also, as an added bonus, my name is in the book, so that's cool, right?

In case you're (somehow) still not convinced, here are a few samplings from the book that I think you might enjoy:

Welcome to Earf

Here's a little prose poem for your patriotic pleasure (following up on last year's Fourth of July post). If you've ever wondered about what it really means to be an American — well, I think I've got your answer right here!

"Freedom's Flame" on FiveByFiveHundred.com

And as an extra holiday bonus, here is a video of the BEST SPEECH EVER from a masterful cinematic beauty that shares its name with the holiday in question:

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aUdB8gCMcXI&w=425&h=349]

Fancy Backyard Bohemian Play Readings (plus beer)

This is my professional headshot.Last night, we held a small reading (well, okay, it's a fairly large cast, but there was audience, so whatever) of my new play True Believers, at the Westerly Street Theatre Company and BrewPub. Also known as My Backyard. Clearly of all of my neighbors were quite impressed by the psuedo-Bohemian lifestyles of me and my friends read plays and drank homebrewed beer. Did I mention that True Believers is a play about Comic-Con, and includes cyborgs, girls dressed as Princess Leia, and scenes that take place entirely in WORLD OF WARCRAFT? Okay, so maybe we're less Boheme, more Geek Chic. I'm cool with that.

Thanks to everyone who helped out with the reading; everyone had great feedback to share, and the response helped to get me even more excited for workshopping the play as part of the Berkshire Fringe Festival in August (during which there will be a public staged reading of the play, featuring professional actors and directors. Not that my friends aren't professional actors/director [which, some of them are! No, really.], but they're also, well, my friends, and I know them).

Stay tuned (for more information on) True Believers!

The Plot Finds a Life

Today on FiveByFiveHundred.com, I tried another small experiment meta-flashfiction experiment (but I swear, it's not nearly as pretentious as that phrasing sounds. Honest). It was partially inspired by (or possibly expounds upon?) a previous piece that I wrote for the website, titled The NightShift (which is, in turn, the inspiration for a fictional comic book fictionally written by the protagonist of my play True Believers), because sometimes, I guess I just like writing stories about stories. But, you know. With heart.

"Storytime Dreams" on FiveByFiveHundred.com