MATT DAMON. Also Ben Affleck. With Breasts!

Would you believe that the script for Good Will Hunting literally fell from the sky (well, the ceiling) and landed right in the laps of two young men in Somerville, Massachusetts? Would you believe that, prior to said script falling from said ceiling, said young men were working (as all young men have done) to adapt The Catcher in the Rye into a screenplay?

Would you believe that Ben Affleck and Matt Damon are totally chicks?

Yeah, me too. Which means you should probably check out Matt & Ben, the hilarious genderswapped "true" story behind the breakout success of those two Cambridge lads and the script that made them both into stars. Written by Mindy Kaling (like, from The office) and Brenda Withers and directed by my superawesomelytalented girlfriend, Ms M. Bevin O'Gara, this fantastic bromantic comedy opens today and runs through the end of the month at the Central Square Theater in, well, Central Square — right where it all started, in Cambridge, Massachusetts.

But seriously, go see this show, because even I weren't biased (which, I mean, I'm not), I would still tell you to see it, because it is that entertaining. Also I'm pretty sure the set dressing was modeled after my bedroom, even though my girlfriend totally denies it.

So check it out! Because, you know. Matt Damon.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PajyQrpu26I&w=425&h=349]

How To Live Safely In A Science Fictional Universe

Read this book. I am not even kidding. The latest novel from Charles Yu, How to Live Safely in a Science Fictional Universe is a brilliantly tongue-in-cheek examination of memories and father-son relationships, through the veil of cheeky sci-fi and wacky time travel concepts. Charles Yu (the character, not the author) is a time travel mechanic with a Masters Degree in Applied Science Fiction. While on a quest to reconnect with his estranged father, Charles Yu (the character) accidentally shoots Future Charles Yu (the future character) in the stomach, but not before Future Charles Yu hands him a copy of a book called How to Live Safely In a Science Fictional Universe, which was/is/will be written by Charles Yu (the character. And the author? I don't know).

Charles Yu (the character) also has a dog named Ed that was retroactively erased from continuity and so technically doesn't exist due to a paradoxical causality but, like any good dog, still loves his owner regardless of his own lack of logical existence.

You can read my full review of How to Live Safely in a Science Fictional Universe over at DailyGenoshan.com, but what really matters is that it's one of the best books I've read in the last year, so you should probably pick it up.

Broetry: Poetry, for Dudes!

Congratulations to my good friend (and fellow FiveByFiveHundred co-founder and Daily Genoshan founder) Brian McGackin, whose first book, Broetry, is available today from the lovely folks at Quirk Books! Broetry is one of the those things that, when Brian first told me about the idea, I kind of wanted to punch him in the teeth, because of how stupidly brilliant and simple it is. It is quite literally poetry, but written for, well, dudes. There's no waxing philosophical about flowers in the spring, but there is plenty of Mama Celeste Frozen Pizzas, comic books, X-Box 360, and HaiKougars to go around. I've been close to this project from its earliest moments, and can honestly say that it is every bit as fantastic as it sounds, and I encourage everyone to pick up a copy (because I guarantee you will find something in it that you enjoy). Also, as an added bonus, my name is in the book, so that's cool, right?

In case you're (somehow) still not convinced, here are a few samplings from the book that I think you might enjoy:

• I'll Take Crazy Bitches for $800, Alex
• When Patrick Stewart Ruled the World
• Stopping by WaWa on a Snowy Evening
• Ode to the Ugly Bitch Talking to Me at this Party that I Don’t Even Want to Be at in the First Place But Was Dragged to By My Friend Because Some Girl He Wants to Fuck Might Be Stopping By Later On If The Place She’s Supposed to Go to First With Her Friends Sucks or Runs Out of Beer Although This Place Also Sucks and is About to Run Out of Beer Which Leads Me to Believe That My Friend is Shit Out of Luck Tonight But I Still Have to Stand Here Like an Idiot and Wait Just in Case That Ho Shows Up Wasted and DTF or Something Because I’m the DD and I Don’t Want My Friend to Cry About it All Weekend Like a Pussy

Welcome to Earf

Here's a little prose poem for your patriotic pleasure (following up on last year's Fourth of July post). If you've ever wondered about what it really means to be an American — well, I think I've got your answer right here!

"Freedom's Flame" on FiveByFiveHundred.com

And as an extra holiday bonus, here is a video of the BEST SPEECH EVER from a masterful cinematic beauty that shares its name with the holiday in question:

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aUdB8gCMcXI&w=425&h=349]

Fancy Backyard Bohemian Play Readings (plus beer)

Last night, we held a small reading (well, okay, it's a fairly large cast, but there was audience, so whatever) of my new play True Believers, at the Westerly Street Theatre Company and BrewPub. Also known as My Backyard. Clearly of all of my neighbors were quite impressed by the psuedo-Bohemian lifestyles of me and my friends read plays and drank homebrewed beer. Did I mention that True Believers is a play about Comic-Con, and includes cyborgs, girls dressed as Princess Leia, and scenes that take place entirely in WORLD OF WARCRAFT? Okay, so maybe we're less Boheme, more Geek Chic. I'm cool with that.

Thanks to everyone who helped out with the reading; everyone had great feedback to share, and the response helped to get me even more excited for workshopping the play as part of the Berkshire Fringe Festival in August (during which there will be a public staged reading of the play, featuring professional actors and directors. Not that my friends aren't professional actors/director [which, some of them are! No, really.], but they're also, well, my friends, and I know them).

Stay tuned (for more information on) True Believers!

The Plot Finds a Life

Today on FiveByFiveHundred.com, I tried another small experiment meta-flashfiction experiment (but I swear, it's not nearly as pretentious as that phrasing sounds. Honest). It was partially inspired by (or possibly expounds upon?) a previous piece that I wrote for the website, titled The NightShift (which is, in turn, the inspiration for a fictional comic book fictionally written by the protagonist of my play True Believers), because sometimes, I guess I just like writing stories about stories. But, you know. With heart.

"Storytime Dreams" on FiveByFiveHundred.com

Béibhinn's Strawberry Red Ale

Just brewed up Béibhinn's Strawberry Red Ale, an Irish Red Ale recipe with 7 pounds of fresh strawberries, named for the mother and daughter of Brian Boru, the first king of Ireland. Also my girlfriend (total coincidence). Check it out over in my homebrew recipes.

Alejandro & the Fame at PA's Lounge, Somerville

Psh, like you've got anything better to do on Wednesday night

Temporary Drinking Buddies

You know that friend who you always see at parties and when you're both drunk s/he is totally your best friend and you talk about everything, but then when you're sober and back in the real world, it's awkward because you're not really actually friends and you don't hang out or anything and then you see him/her on the street and it's totally weird? Yeah. You know the one.

Today on FiveByFiveHundred.com, I share my own story of my favorite drinking buddy from the local pub who I don't actually know. His name is Paul.

Cheers!

"My First Bar Friend," on FiveByFiveHundred.com

Review: Fun & Games by Duane Swierczynski

Fun & Games, the newest novel from crime fictioneer/Marvel Comics scribe Duane Swierczynski, is the first installment in a trilogy of books about protagonist Charlie Hardie, an ex-cop(-ish) with a blood past from Philadelphia (where else?). It's a frantic loveletter to LA noir, with blistering energy and labyrinthine conspiracies revealing how Hollywood really runs the world. So it's kind of like Mulholland Drive, except it actually makes sense (no offense, David Lynch). Read my full review of Fun & Games over at DailyGenoshan.com!

Mass Hands on iTunes!

Last month, I shared an article from Mass Hands digital magazine that focused on my craft as a homebrewer. Today, it's available on iTunes. Beer! On the Internet! What a thing! Also, I'm on the iTunes store. That's kinda neat, right?

Rules of the Road

I have a problem with self-loathing. I'm a playwright and a theatre artist, but most "theatre people" drive me nuts. I love comic books, but I think most comic fans are idiots. I listen to a lot of indie music, but find a lot of indie music fans to be judgmental jerks (like me, judging them right now). But, as a bicyclist, there is no group of people I hate more...than bicyclists.

I've been the victim of several bike accidents, and still, nearly every day on my two-wheeled commute to work, I see another fellow bicyclist do something that makes me go, "See? People like that are the reason people like me deserve to get hit." Because karma doesn't always work out quite so evenly, and sometimes you're forced to pay for the sins of other bicyclists.

And so, this week's FiveByFiveHundred is dedicated to anyone who's ever been run over by a bicycle while trying to walk on the damn sidewalk (which is where people are supposed to walk).

"Five Rules for Bicyclists" on FiveByFiveHundred.com

Read them. Learn them. Love them.

Da-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-BAT-BOY!

For the next 10 days, you can find me in the pit (well, okay, technically balcony, but it's still called the pit) playing guitar for MetroStage Company's production of BAT BOY! The Musical, directed by the lovely and quite talented Miss M. Bevin O'Gara. Here are the performance dates, for those of you who are interested:

• Friday, June 3 at 8pm
• Saturday, June 4 at 8pm
• Sunday, June 5 at 2pm
• Thursday, June 9 at 7:30pm
• Friday, June 10 at 8pm
• Saturday, June 11 at 8pm

Performances take place at the Cambridge Family YMCA Theatre in Central Square, Cambridge.

And the synopsis (in case you're somehow unaware of the "Bat Boy" trend that once ruled The Weekly World News):

Based on a story in The Weekly World News, BAT BOY: THE MUSICAL is a musical comedy/horror show about a half boy/half bat creature who is discovered in a cave near Hope Falls, West Virginia. For lack of a better solution, the local sheriff brings Bat Boy to the home of the town veterinarian, Dr. Parker, where he is eventually accepted as a member of the family and taught to act like a "normal" boy by the veterinarian's wife, Meredith, and teenage daughter, Shelley. Bat Boy is happy with his new life, but when he naively tries to fit in with the narrow-minded people of Hope Falls, they turn on him, prodded by the machinations of Dr. Parker, who secretly despises Bat Boy. Shelley and Bat Boy, who have fallen in love, run away together from the ignorant townfolk and have a blissful coupling in the woods, but their happiness is shattered when Meredith arrives and reveals a secret. Soon the entire town arrives and hears the shocking story of Bat Boy's unholy origin.

Bugs Bugs Bugs

I visited my parents' house in Connecticut over the weekend, and enjoyed the blooming of my dad's freshly landscaped backyard while I caught up on some writing. At one point, I looked out to the yard, and never before have I seen so many inchworms in one place at the same time. I can't even tell you what their silk was attached to; I'm pretty sure they were falling straight from the sky, maybe riding on clouds or something. Either way, it was a provocative image, one that inspired this week's post on Five By Five Hundred. Enjoy!

"Inches Away!" on FiveByFiveHundred.com

Kitties and Nihilism. Yum.

Better late than never, I have a new review up on DailyGenoshan.com of The Meowmorphosis, the latest literary mash-up from Quirk Books, wherein Gregor Samsa awakens to find that he turned into a giant cockroach giant adorable kitty. From the publisher:

“One morning, as Gregor Samsa was waking up from anxious dreams, he discovered that he had been changed into an adorable kitten.”

The phenomenal success of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies inspired a massively popular literary-remix movement. Now Quirk Classics once again charts bold new territory, turning the monster-mash-up formula inside out to infuse Franz Kafka’s horrific masterpiece, The Metamorphosis, with the fuzziest, snuggliest, most adorable creatures possible: kittens!

Meet Gregor Samsa, a humble young man who works as a fabric salesman to support his parents and sister. His life goes strangely awry when he wakes up late for work and finds that, inexplicably, he is now a man-sized baby kitten. His family freaks out: Yes, their son is OMG so cute, but what good is cute when there are bills piling up? And how can he expect them to serve him meals every day? If Gregor is to survive this bizarre, bewhiskered ordeal, he’ll have to achieve what he never could before — escape from his parents’ house. Complete with haunting illustrations and a provocative biographical exposé of Kafka’s own secret feline life, The Meowmorphosis will take you on a journey deep into the tortured soul of the domestic tabby.

Book Review: The Meowmorphosis by Franz Kafka & Coleridge Cook on DailyGenoshan.com

The Catcall of Cthulhu

Continuing with my theme of bizarrely humorous erotic encounters, my latest post on FiveByFiveHundred.com explores the fine between making love and being consumed by 10th dimensional evil alien pre-human tentacular Lovecraftian beast-Gods. Mostly inspired by this picture:

Hee-hee. Silly HP Lovecraft.

"Cthulhu Do You Love?" on FiveByFiveHundred.com

Alejandro & the Harbingers of the Apocalypse

Friday night was the first performance of my all-male Lady Gaga cover band, Alejandro & the Fame. In light of the then-impending rapture, we changed our name to Alejandro & the Harbingers of the Apocalypse. We have since returned to the Fame. Audio/video to come, but for now, here's some pictures to tide you over:

Yes, I'm wearing leopard print leggings and jean shorts. No, I do not own the leopard print leggings. Yes, I did make my own jean shorts.

Photos by Justin Seward

Mass Hands

Here's the full Mass Hands article, focusing on me as a homebrewer. The project overall is meant to be an interactive/new media exploration of handcrafted work that still thrives in Massachusetts. (Personally, I wish I had a worn a t-shirt that more flattered my figure in the opening photograph, or at least that they had chosen a less-awkward picture of me, but you know what they say: Magneto was Right)

Mass Hands: Brew Mastery