More Fictional Music Stuff

I actually wrote this article quite while ago, and I was pleasantly surprised to see it hit the waves of the Internet today. Similar to another post I did over at Tor, this one breaks down a few of my favorite fictional rock bands (some of which have managed to become nonfictional as well, which is a particularly impressive feet). Check it out!

Five Of Our Favorite Fictional Bands at Quirk Books

In Progress

Hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving. Today on Five By Five Hundred, I've posted a little preview of a larger prose serial I'm working on. So it's cryptic, sure, as part of a much larger whole, but I think it stands decently on its own. Enjoy!

"The Crash" on FiveByFiveHundred.com

Batman and Robin Will Never Die!

Is there anyone alive who doesn't agree that Batman is totally awesome? No? That's what I thought.

It's also well documented by anyone who's ever met me that I have a serious fascination with comic book writer / chaos magician / Scotsman / rockstar / occasional fictional character Grant Morrison, who, by sheer coincidence, has been guiding the adventures of the Dark Knight for the past 7 years or so as the man behind the pen. The good folks at Tor.com were kind of enough to let me indulge my Morrison obsession and love for clever poetic puzzles, and I re-read his entire story (so far) to provide a critical analysis of what appears to be his deconstruction of the identity of Batman -- both as a symbol or piece of mythology, and as the man himself behind the mask, Bruce Wayne.

This undertaking proved to be much more epic than I had originally anticipated, but I'm still quite pleased with the end results. So check it out, even if you haven't read all of Morrison's Bat-epic (but really, you should probably do that).

"How Grant Morrison’s 7-Year Batman Epic is Becoming the Ultimate Definition of Batman" on Tor Dot Com

Boozin' & Writin'

Here's a new post I did for the fine folks at Quirk Books, about two of mankind's greatest creations: alcohol, and literature.

"How To Drink Like Your Favorite Writer: From Hemingway to Bukowski" at Quirk Books

I'm Back Now, And I Brought T-Shirts For Everybody!

I have a confession to make. I didn't really bring t-shirts for everybody. Although I do have these sweet new business cards! So that's cool, right? I know I've been slacking (again) lately (again) with keeping this website updated with all of my various doin's. But it's not like I've not been not doing things (...or is it?)! Instead, I've just been too busy doing things to, ya know, write about doing things. It's kind of why I hate meetings in general, because I'd rather be doing things, than talking about doing things. So this website's kind of like a meeting then. Except I don't hate it; in fact, I quite love my little website here. So really, not like a meeting at all.

(shut up Thom) Okay so here's a brief rundown of where the hell I've been:

• My very short play, Stumped, was performed as part of a staged reading series to celebrate Company One's production of Hookman.
• My debut comic book story, Not Dead Yet, finally saw print in GrayHaven Comics' sci-fi anthology, The Fifth Dimension! Also the first printing already sold out, which means maybe someday you'll be able to sell that shit on eBay for like $20 (but probably not)
• I did a totally awesome article for Quirk Books comparing Samuel Beckett (the playwright) to Sam Beckett (the time traveling protagonist from Quantum Leap) and it was totally awesome. Don't believe me? Ask the former executive director of the American Theatre Wing!
• I also started doing some writing for Tor.com, with my first article being a roundup of great sci-fi/fantasy rock bands (so basically my two favorite things, combined. If only there was more beer!)
• We did another staged reading of my play True Believers as part of ImprovBoston's Geek Week celebration. It was really great to hear the play out loud in front of different kind of crowd, as it helps me figure out what kind of changes I need to make to the script before the world premiere this summer at the Factory Theatre (July 12 - 21! Get yer tickets while they're hot! Just kidding, they're not on sale yet). The lovely producing folks at Vagabond Theatre Group have a post up over at their website about the event so you can catch up on all the happening. There's also the first part of an instructional series about how to make your very own The Cyborg Head of Stan Lee, which actually comes a lot more in handy than you might think.
• Did I mention that I launched a new website for the Huntington, and that our world premiere production of The Luck of the Irish was extended, and sold out almost every night? For being, ya know, "just my day job" or whatever, sometimes it keeps me pretty busy as well.
• Plus Cupcake! So many things, so very busy with this wonderfully little world-premiere-musical-that-could. We raised $6,000 in our Kickstarter campaign (we were going for $3,750...whoops!), and we were the featured show this past Friday on Goldstar. You may have seen some of my sexy posters around town as well (just don't tell Grant that I photoshopped his arm a bit...) Previews start this Thursday, May 10!
• AND, to top it all off, I've only got like 50 pages left to read in Infinite Jest (finally! Jesus God this book is epic), so I'm gonna go finish that right now and hopefully conquer my crippling fear (no pun intended) of paraplegic Quebecers.

Who Watches Alan Moore?

Alan Moore has a reputation. Besides being crazy, he's also famously curmudgeonly. If there's a problem with my grammar and use of adverb in the preceding sentence, then, well, Alan Moore can cast some crazy black magic spell on me. I don't really care. There's been a lot of news and opinions spewed forth around the internet regarding the recently announced Before Watchmen from DC Comics, a collection of prequel miniseries based on Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons' universally acclaimed Watchmen. When it all comes down, Moore may have been screwed (multiple times) in the past, but DC currently has every legal right to make this happen, and, well, comics have a history of picking up from someone else's characters and making a run for it.

But that's neither here nor there. This post is just to tell you to check out my latest post on Five By Five Hundred, which was inspired by a comment made by Alan Moore in the video embedded below (which, fair warning, is a two-and-a-half hour long interview in which he is not surprisingly verbose and curmudgeonly and also crazy black magic wizard plus beard).

"Adventure Capitalism" on FiveByFiveHundred.com

[vimeo http://www.vimeo.com/36211102 w=450&h=264]

SuperBeer to the Rescue!

Head on over to the fine folks at Quirk Books and check out my world-famous (read: on the internet) Comic Book & Beer Pairings article on their blog! It's comic books, and beer, together. What more could you possibly want? Also, shout out to Quirk's Marketing & Social Media Coordinator Eric Smith for the fantastic pictures that he scrounged together to accompany each entry. They help make the article extra awesome-worthy.

Last Caress

Every year, I tell myself that I'm going to do #NaNaWriMo, but sadly, I never get very far. November is always an incredibly busy time of year me, and it's not like I'm not writing or working on other things; it's just a difficult time to focus on cranking out those 50,000 words. Still, I use the time I would otherwise dedicate to #NaNoWriMo to work on any of those other projects, including those kind of horror-punk-rock-young-adult story I've been throwing around (tentatively titled "Last Caress" after my favorite song by The Misfits). Over at Five By Five Hundred, I've included a small excerpt, comparing the local punk rock scene to the creation of a living Frankenstein-esque monster (yes, I realize that Frankenstein was the scientist, not the monster, but it would sound kind of ridiculous if I called it a 'Frankenstein's monster-esque monster,' right?)

"Where Eagles Dare" at FiveByFiveHundred.com

(side note, "Last Caress" by the Misfits is also, without competition, the single greatest pop song ever written about killing babies. Just, uh, just sayin')

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F39UP1mjAnc&w=420&h=315]

#1stWorldProblems: The Novel

Apparently Nicole Richie is a New York Times Bestselling Novelist. I'm sorry, I'm not sure if you heard me correctly. Nicole Richie is a New York Times Bestselling Novelist.

Upon discovering this fact, I took upon myself to read the debut novel responsible for awarding her such a distinction.

While it would be harsh and unfair to say that I regret this decision, I can confidently say that it was hardly a good decision. Next time such a thought crosses my scattered and impulsive mind, I implore you to stop me and question my poor decision-making skills.

In the meantime, I hope you enjoy my objective critical review of the novel over on DailyGenoshan.com.

Review: "The Truth About Diamonds," by Nicole Richie

How To Live Safely In A Science Fictional Universe

Read this book. I am not even kidding. The latest novel from Charles Yu, How to Live Safely in a Science Fictional Universe is a brilliantly tongue-in-cheek examination of memories and father-son relationships, through the veil of cheeky sci-fi and wacky time travel concepts. Charles Yu (the character, not the author) is a time travel mechanic with a Masters Degree in Applied Science Fiction. While on a quest to reconnect with his estranged father, Charles Yu (the character) accidentally shoots Future Charles Yu (the future character) in the stomach, but not before Future Charles Yu hands him a copy of a book called How to Live Safely In a Science Fictional Universe, which was/is/will be written by Charles Yu (the character. And the author? I don't know).

Charles Yu (the character) also has a dog named Ed that was retroactively erased from continuity and so technically doesn't exist due to a paradoxical causality but, like any good dog, still loves his owner regardless of his own lack of logical existence.

You can read my full review of How to Live Safely in a Science Fictional Universe over at DailyGenoshan.com, but what really matters is that it's one of the best books I've read in the last year, so you should probably pick it up.

Broetry: Poetry, for Dudes!

Congratulations to my good friend (and fellow FiveByFiveHundred co-founder and Daily Genoshan founder) Brian McGackin, whose first book, Broetry, is available today from the lovely folks at Quirk Books! Broetry is one of the those things that, when Brian first told me about the idea, I kind of wanted to punch him in the teeth, because of how stupidly brilliant and simple it is. It is quite literally poetry, but written for, well, dudes. There's no waxing philosophical about flowers in the spring, but there is plenty of Mama Celeste Frozen Pizzas, comic books, X-Box 360, and HaiKougars to go around. I've been close to this project from its earliest moments, and can honestly say that it is every bit as fantastic as it sounds, and I encourage everyone to pick up a copy (because I guarantee you will find something in it that you enjoy). Also, as an added bonus, my name is in the book, so that's cool, right?

In case you're (somehow) still not convinced, here are a few samplings from the book that I think you might enjoy:

• I'll Take Crazy Bitches for $800, Alex
• When Patrick Stewart Ruled the World
• Stopping by WaWa on a Snowy Evening
• Ode to the Ugly Bitch Talking to Me at this Party that I Don’t Even Want to Be at in the First Place But Was Dragged to By My Friend Because Some Girl He Wants to Fuck Might Be Stopping By Later On If The Place She’s Supposed to Go to First With Her Friends Sucks or Runs Out of Beer Although This Place Also Sucks and is About to Run Out of Beer Which Leads Me to Believe That My Friend is Shit Out of Luck Tonight But I Still Have to Stand Here Like an Idiot and Wait Just in Case That Ho Shows Up Wasted and DTF or Something Because I’m the DD and I Don’t Want My Friend to Cry About it All Weekend Like a Pussy

Review: Fun & Games by Duane Swierczynski

Fun & Games, the newest novel from crime fictioneer/Marvel Comics scribe Duane Swierczynski, is the first installment in a trilogy of books about protagonist Charlie Hardie, an ex-cop(-ish) with a blood past from Philadelphia (where else?). It's a frantic loveletter to LA noir, with blistering energy and labyrinthine conspiracies revealing how Hollywood really runs the world. So it's kind of like Mulholland Drive, except it actually makes sense (no offense, David Lynch). Read my full review of Fun & Games over at DailyGenoshan.com!

Kitties and Nihilism. Yum.

Better late than never, I have a new review up on DailyGenoshan.com of The Meowmorphosis, the latest literary mash-up from Quirk Books, wherein Gregor Samsa awakens to find that he turned into a giant cockroach giant adorable kitty. From the publisher:

“One morning, as Gregor Samsa was waking up from anxious dreams, he discovered that he had been changed into an adorable kitten.”

The phenomenal success of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies inspired a massively popular literary-remix movement. Now Quirk Classics once again charts bold new territory, turning the monster-mash-up formula inside out to infuse Franz Kafka’s horrific masterpiece, The Metamorphosis, with the fuzziest, snuggliest, most adorable creatures possible: kittens!

Meet Gregor Samsa, a humble young man who works as a fabric salesman to support his parents and sister. His life goes strangely awry when he wakes up late for work and finds that, inexplicably, he is now a man-sized baby kitten. His family freaks out: Yes, their son is OMG so cute, but what good is cute when there are bills piling up? And how can he expect them to serve him meals every day? If Gregor is to survive this bizarre, bewhiskered ordeal, he’ll have to achieve what he never could before — escape from his parents’ house. Complete with haunting illustrations and a provocative biographical exposé of Kafka’s own secret feline life, The Meowmorphosis will take you on a journey deep into the tortured soul of the domestic tabby.

Book Review: The Meowmorphosis by Franz Kafka & Coleridge Cook on DailyGenoshan.com

The Bible Vs. Superman

If you've ever wondered about the connection between the original Biblical murder and issue #1 of SUPERMAN IN ACTION COMICS, then Brad Meltzer's got your ticket in The Book of Lies, a labyrinthine conspiracy thriller that's kind of like The Da Vinci Code for comic book fans, except good. Read my full review over at DailyGenoshan.com!

New Review: "My Favorite Band Does Not Exist," by Robert T. Jeschonek

I've posted a book review of My Favorite Band Does Not Exist, by Robert T. Jeschonek, over on DailyGenoshan.com, where I'm now a regular contributor. You can read the full review here. Recommended if you enjoy fantasy novels, rock bands, the internet, metafiction, and liking bands before they even exist just so you can tell your friends that you liked them first.* *You like all of these things.

Burning Words

It was the first day back from winter break. As the first period bell rang, we begrudgingly sidled into Ms. Nitkin’s 11th grade double-period American Studies class. Nitkin was a feisty old Jewish lesbian from Cheshire, who had long since cemented her reputation as both the hardest and greatest teacher at the school. She didn’t take any bullshit (as she so eloquently told me when she handed back my very first essay with a big fat “D” sprawled across the page), but she made her teaching worthwhile, and always pushed you to your very best. She had given us the week between Christmas and New Years to read Huckleberry Finn, by native Nutmegger Samuel Clemens, also known as Mark Twain. Being assigned an entire novel to read over winter break always seemed cruel and unfair, but we did as we were told, and came to that first period class ready to discuss the book and bear Nitkin’s sardonic, witty wrath.

Once we’d all settled down — a good five minutes after the late bell rang — Ms. Nitkin stood up from her desk, hardly taller than she was when sitting down, and made her first declaration to the class: “Nigger. There, I said. Now that that’s out of the way, I hope you all read Huck Finn,” and proceeded with her usual four-question verbal quiz, just to make sure we actually read the book, instead of skimming SparkNotes.

After the quiz, Ms. Nitkin told us a bit of the history of the book’s censorship, as a means of launching us off into a class discussion. Almost immediately, and with much less arguing and shouting than was typically expected of us, the class came to several unanimous decisions: yes, the book uses the word “Nigger,” no, it’s not a very nice word to use, and yes, it was still historically accurate. This set us off on our debate — was Jim the true hero of the book, despite the fact that he was a “nigger?”

The lone black girl in the class — technically Jamaican-American, not African — raised her hand for the first time. Ms. Nitkin called on her to speak, and with seething vitriol she declared her disgust for that word and the shame it brought upon her people. Once again, the rest of the class agreed, and genuinely sympathized as best we could.

But she carried on, spewing vile about how terrible it was for Jim to be called such a thing. Still we all continued to agree, just as we had at the start of the class. She insulted Mark Twain’s worth as an author, and the educational and historical value of the book because of this. Ms. Nitkin tried several times to change the topic, re-iterating that, although the rest of us were white, we were still on her side.

The girl continued her rant, or argument, or declaration, or whatever else it may have been, well into the middle of the second period of the class, interfering with the instructional time allotted to another teacher. The next day, Ms. Nitkin brought in an entirely new book for us to read — this time with only three days to do it. In her final year as a teacher before retirement, Ms. Nitkin changed her curriculum for the first and only time, in effort to satiate the outraged student.

I can’t remember anything about that book we read next, but I sure as hell remember Huck Finn.